Scientific Laws of Automotive Mechanical Repair and Car Shops

Sure, we’ve all heard of Murphy’s Law and all of it’s subsequent corollary laws that are tied to Laws of the Universe, many of which apply to automotive maintenance. We’ve gathered many of these laws together in what we can only hope will become a new science class taught in all the finest academic institutions in the land.

Much like the laws of physics, which are taught in beginning level physics 101 classes, these laws of automotive maintenance can be implemented into a full four year university where core subjects can be taught in underclassmen years through graduate class years. Perhaps even post graduate learning. As far as we are concerned, there are many auto mechanics out in hot rod land that have earned their PhD level post graduate degrees.

For purposes of clarification, laws are absolute, hypotheses are less rigorous than laws and observations may shed light on the problems and on mechanisms for finding solutions to the problems.

To get this “new” scientific branch of core studies started, we offer a few universal laws on automotive repair that we know to be flawlessly true:

• Lorenz’s Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you will need to use the restroom.
• Beach’s Law: Identical replacement parts aren’t.
• Anthony’s Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner.
• Tussman’s Law: Nothing is as inevitable as a mistake whose time has come.
• Lowery’s Law: If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
• Peer’s Law: The solution to a problem changes the problem.
• William’s Law: There is no mechanical problem so difficult that it cannot be solved by brute strength and ignorance.
• Ehrlich’s Law: The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
• Law of Physical Displacement: Sometimes you are the dog. Sometimes you are the hydrant.
• Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
• IBM’s Pollyanna Principle: Machines should work. People should think.
• The Dilbert Principle: The most ineffective workers will be systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage – management.
• Ralph’s Observation: It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry.
• Cannon’s Observation: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.